Wednesday, April 11, 2012

How My Cleaner Saves Our Marriage Every Week


My cleaner walked in this morning....Hi Ray.......very bourgeois to have a cleaner I know, but to be honest I'd rather go without food than lose Ray. I see it as Mr Beach House's contribution to the household chores, seeing as he does little else by way of housework round here.  When I moved in with him all those years ago, Mr Beach House and Ray had already been together for years.  Ray was initially employed to avoid the inevitable barneys over cleaning, that ensue as a result of twenty somethings flatting together. I believe Ray solved  as many problems in those youthful relationships, as he does with our marriage.


When I moved in, I made noises in Mr Beach House's direction to the effect that, as I was working full time I wasn't going to be the 'new Ray' and take on the cleaning, so Ray stayed.  I did try to wean us off him when we moved house....sorry Ray, but it didn't last.  I found myself at an Enjo party around the same time as we moved.  Basically I couldn't get out of there quick enough and the first call I made once I'd escaped, was to Ray giving him our new address.  No offence to Enjo...great product....I'd just rather it in Ray's hands than mine.


So anyway....he walked in this morning and said.  'You didn't take my advice with the blog'....No probably not  Ray I thought, as this is my girly space, 'What was it again?'    'You need something controversial on there' he said 'like marriage dramas'.  'Those ladders with flowers hanging off them,  what the hell is that?'  It seems Ray wants more juice.  So Ray reads me, apparently he had a 'dull Easter' and found himself in front of my blog.  This is not a new thing, he often gives me his candid thoughts on my stories.  I enjoy our chats and consider it impromptu market research. But he hates the girly bits.  Rather, he gets a kick out of it, when Mr Beach House and I don't see eye to eye and I spill the beans about it here.


Well I've got news for you Ray, you are part of the reason that we are OK.  That we can survive this rocky road that is marriage.  Give me a clean house and I can take just about anything.  The resentment that builds, when you come home from the beach, like we did yesterday, and Mr Beach House walks straight out to the back deck, beer and reading mattter of choice in hand and plonks himself down, when there are kids to feed, bathe and bed.  There's washing to be hung out and the last of the platters from the big boozy luncheon the day before, are yet to make it into the dishwasher.

Oh no I can take it, because I know you dear Ray, are coming tomorrow.  You are going to save me from a small part of that completely unfair human condition, known as the household division of labour between husband and wife, that seems to develop the millisecond the first kid pops out.


So Raymondo, if you want more juice you'll have to go, for without you, I think the Beach House would fall apart and you would definitely get your juice.  But please don't, I can't afford a divorce and at times, I really do like Mr Beach House.

Don't get me started on the bit about cleaning up for the cleaner though. That is another post in itself.  Ray tells me my pre clean clean, is no where near as good as it was before I started blogging.  Well I've got news for you Ray, I'm over making you look good. But it's about so much more than the clean.  You have a key to our house (although you deny it) and at  least the floors, the kitchen and the bathroom get the once over each week, which is probably more than I'd do, if left to my own devices.  More importantly you have kept our marriage together.  Man you are priceless.


On further analysis I love that your impending arrival each week, spins me into a cleaning frenzy the night before. I  morph into an army sergeant, barking orders in the direction of the Beach House Brats, because Mr Beach House, as I indicated, has been declared untrainable.  Anything moveable is lifted up and a general tidy up is on the cards.  I so wish I could keep it as tidy as it is upon Ray's departure each week, but I can't seem to, try as I might.  So thank you for the pressure you put on me each week.  I operate best when my back is to the wall.  I often wonder if I would ever tidy up if it wasn't for you!!!!! 


So that's what you write about when you have shots of an Easter table and the season is over.
Oh and the surf board  chalk board is now being made to order. Details on price are here



Today I am partying here

41 comments :

  1. Carolyn - you had me laughing! I could just imagine this conversation! Good for you!
    Kathy

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  2. I love your deck - I want one!! The surfboard is really cute!

    Sadly, I don't have a cleaning person, although I would like one. I don't mind cleaning - I just don't like doing blinds and baseboards :)

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  3. Oh...you are so funny! Ray sounds like a delight to have around! I totally agree with you that the housework tends to fall on the female. I have two Polish ladies that don't speak a speck of English, but we get along great! I don't know what I would do without them...clean more probably!

    Love your Easter table, how nice to be able to eat outdoors. It is still too cold here. The surfboard is SO cute!

    XO,
    Jane

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  4. I have slaves ooops I mean children, that are being well trained in housework here! I like to pay someone to clean my windows though- they do a way better job than I ever could!

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  5. A funny comment from my face book I thought you might enjoy

    "So I have known you how long..stayed at your home how many times and I just find out about ray now!!??? You have kept him really quiet. I thought you cleaned your home yourself....your halo has just dropped. Disappointed....I thought you were wonderwoman!"

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  6. And My reply

    " Nope I have help. Valium went out in the 70's I prefer help that gets the job done."

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  7. Household Division of Labour!!! Why, oh why did I get rid of our cleaner when I gave up work after having my two boys? Now I just need to find a way to make sure my hubbie reads your post, while I'm next stomping around the house, with smoke pouring from my ears, silently cursing his mother for not training him properly.

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    Replies
    1. Oh Margret I'm so with you on the smoke coming out of my ears bit.

      I kept the cleaner for the same reason I hung out for big diamonds in my wedding ring. I knew it was the last one I'd ever get.

      Carolyn

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  8. lucky ! wish i had a "ray". good to hear about males doing that job. lunch sounds great!
    x

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  9. I need a "Ray", too!

    Your table is beautifully simple. Love it!

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  10. Cleaner or no cleaner...you both need to grow up!

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    Replies
    1. Yeah You're probably right. Thanks for reading mum!!!!!! Or is it Ray??????

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    2. I think it is very grown up to have a cleaner :)

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  11. Wonderful story about 'Ray'. I have someone come in once in awhile. Love the
    surfboard menu. Unique.

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  12. What a beautiful blog you have! I love that surfboard menu.
    Excited to follow you!

    XO
    Erin

    sweetnessitself.blogspot.com

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  13. You are so real.

    I have a cleaner too, and I hug her when she is leaving. Seriously. I love that gal.

    Her name is Amy, and she is priceless too.

    You may not wanna give Ray a hug, but I "feel ya," gal!

    Funny post.

    Surfboard rocks.

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  14. What a lovely post! I am so very glad to knoe that you had a nice Easter.
    Stunning shots!That surfboard menu is fantastic!!
    Thanks for sharing this beautiful post.
    Hope to see you on my blog:)

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  15. What a riot! Love your candor.. The table looks so pretty. I certainly wish I had a Ray! The surfboard menu is really cool.. xo marlis

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  16. Ray must be a wonderful person and a joy to have around you. I applaud you for living the life you want, and you give Ray an income and yourself more freedom to be a blessing in other areas. I live in Puerto Rico. Could Ray come here to my house for a vacation and help me? Listen to your own heart, and you will always be true to yourself. No one knows what is right for you except YOU. Nancy

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  17. The way I see it.....! Ray has a job and employing someone with the economy being what it is makes another family able to put food on their table. Great photos and hugs to Ray. There is no job in life that is a small one, there is always a trickle down affect. A book that I'd recommend is The Fred Factor. Take care, Scootergirl

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  18. I have always quipped that I "need a wife of my own" to do all the things around here that I just can't seem to bring myself to do on a regular basis. As I am now an official AARP member, I feel it only proper that I, too, should have a "cleaner" or housekeeper. Once a week would do the trick. I can keep it all picked up; I just need someone to do all the "elbow grease" work like mopping floors, cleaning baseboards, scrubbing the shower stall, vacuuming the steps, shining up the front storm door, keeping the blinds dust-free...that kind of stuff. We'd make a great duo if I could just find the right person. Heck, if I could find ANY person!!! Hats off and Hello from America to Ray - Cleaner Extraodinaire, Purveyor of Marital Bliss, and now a blog critic. :-)

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  19. I want RAY! I also want your ladder with flowers. And also, all of your gorgeous table settings. Visiting today from Glowless. :)

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  20. I love your deck and table settings, too...most of all, I desperately need a Ray. The post was fun! Great job...

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  21. To be honest, I think Ray deserves more 'Juice'in his blog reading so you should fire him immediately and send him straight over to my house ;)
    oh and FYI I like the flowers hanging from the ladders!

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  22. I great photo. I love the photos and the Easter decorating. I need at Ray too. Rachel

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  23. Where do you live and would you share Ray? Desperately looking for a cleaner.

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  24. Lovely!
    ... lol Funny blog post!!
    Visiting from Show and Tell Friday :)

    Greetings from sunny Qld, but today it's raining ;)
    ~Pernilla

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  25. What a wonderful story and as I am a cleaner I would hope my adorable clients think of me as you do your Ray. And bless your cotton socks for doing a pre clean...we as cleaners spot them a mile away but we so love the thought.
    HPS
    Michelle

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  26. I'm going around visiting everyone on today's PINK SATURDAY list.....with my hot cup of coffee, of course! Just wanted to let you know that I was here! Have yourself a great weekend, and stop by my place if you've the time!

    ciao bella
    Creative Carmelina
    xo

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  27. Love it! Too funny.

    - The Tablescaper

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  28. I have been laughing and nodding my head through your entire post. Thanks for sharing your story and your table is very lovely too.

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  29. Oh, I want a Ray! My marriage is secure and my husband helps all of the time, but I still want a Ray! Love this blog - had me laughing so early this morning. You need to write a book or something - I would buy it!!

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  30. Oh my gosh, we totally need a Ray. ALLLL of our marriage battles are about cleaning - who should clean what when, who does more cleaning, how clean things should be, blah blah blah. When you're done with him, please send him my way.

    Here from UBP! Have a great weekend!

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  31. Love finding out that others have had to let go of the unequal division of labor resentment and hire a cleaner. It works wonders for marriages of two working spouses.
    And your deck is beautiful!

    http://www.practicallyperfectprincess.com

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  32. Everything is beautiful! I love the chalk board surf board. Thanks so much for sharing at Mix it up Monday :)

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  33. You cracked me up..well done! There's a saying around this parts of the worl: "A cleaner is a home's happiness!" Yeah, I have one and it sure makes us both happy, lol..Your deck is gorgeous, wish I could visit you for a glass of whatever and spend some time there. Love your board with menu, so fun! Beautiful table too. Have a great week.
    FABBY

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  34. I ask for a cleaning person every year for Christmas and my birthday. Everyone seems to think I'm joking, but I would really like that more than about anything else! I found you through UBP 12.

    parentingwithresearch.blogspot.com

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  35. Haha, I definitely think that there is a very valid time and place for cleaners. Lol, unfortunately, my husband doesn't think we've reached either the time or the place.:)

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  36. You are too funny! Love your deck! It's fabulous! And your table setting was wonderful. :)
    Melody
    One Chatty Chic

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  37. Totally featuring you tonight.. This is sooo adorable and hilarious : )) LOVE it.. Thanks SO much for sharing via Pin'Inspirational Thursday.. Woohoo.. xoxo

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  38. Totally featuring you tonight.. This is sooo adorable and hilarious : )) LOVE it.. Thanks SO much for sharing via Pin'Inspirational Thursday.. Woohoo.. xoxo

    ReplyDelete

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