Monday, June 18, 2012

I Can Feel a Marriage Post Coming On

It's a long while since I've been very funny on this blog.  I think the last time was when I wrote that post about how the cleaner saves my marriage every week.  But when Mr Beach House announced that he would be sailing on Sunday, a glorious sunny Winters day, after what seemed like a month of rainy weekends, and the consequent development of associated cabin fever, I don't think even Ray the cleaner could have saved my marriage at that point.



A sign of how bad I was feeling about being totally let down in the marriage stakes, was when the kitchen draw was open.  I noticed a letter out of the corner of my eye informing me, that Mr Beach House's life is insured for some $703,000, indexed for inflation.    It worries me that for a nano second that prospect excited me.

Are you laughing yet???? Probably not!!!! OK I'll keep going then.



Now don't worry dear reader I have no plans to hit him over the head with a big shell. As I write this I have decided I like him again a tiny bit. He is very funny and can usually make me smile at something.    I am also completely incapable of killing anything and I am not stupid.  Of course I have motive, we are married afterall. Most of you would agree, that is motive enough.  Not to mention opportunity, so I would be the first on the  list of suspects if anything sinister should happen to him.  The reality is that I would absolutely hate it if he wasn't around.  One must be careful what one wishes for don't you think?   But of course him not being around enough is the whole point of this post.



So here's a recap of how it got this low.  On Saturday evening, Mr Beach House approaches me to announce he has sailing engagements the following day, there is very little discussion and the next morning he makes a clean break, leaving two very disappointed kids bouncing off the walls for yet another Sunday without their father. We got out amongst it as you can see from the photos but the fourth wheel was missing.



My attempt at a leave pass this weekend was not quite so successful.  I had booked Mr Beach House up weeks in advance to look after the Beach House Brats on Saturday afternoon so I could have a long awaited lunch with my dad's old secretary, with whom I became pals. And here's what happened with that arrangement.  The kids both have Saturday sports and unlike me, Mr Beach House is unable  to juggle both activities calling in favours and the like.  Consequently, I had reluctantly agreed to attend to the littlest one's swimming lesson, race with her from there, across town by 1.30pm for a late lunch. But there emerged a late window of opportunity, a slight possibility I could make a break on my own. The biggest Beach House Brat's sport was cancelled due to the poor weather, but there had been soccer photos locked in, so Mr BH had attended those and arrived home 10 minutes before the designated departure time for the littlest one's swimming lesson.  He had brought a single dad  and his kiddo back to eat their sausage sizzles at the Beach House and I suggested he gather up the littlest BHB, take her to swimming and let me escape for an afternoon without kids. 'Too hard' he cried. He was quite happy to look after her, but he couldn't be bothered with the expensive pre paid swimming lesson. He was more interested in settling in with his mate to watch footy than taking over the daddy day care duties at swimming and giving me a much deserved kid free afternoon.  He always puts himself first and believe me I am learning from him.


I stopped doing his washing some years back now.  My reasoning to him when he asked me what was going on was, 'So you get to go sailing all weekend and I get to do your washing'....No deal baby!!!!  All this wet weather is playing havoc with his wardrobe....We don't have a dryer so most of it has been on this line for a week.  He managed to get it in yesterday, shoved his wrist under my nose and announced, 'See it doesn't smell too bad'.  I had to agree the week of rain rinsing had had very little negative effect.

Breakfast out with Mr Beach House's credit card
Anywhoo I made the lunch in time.  The littlest Beach House Brat was charming as usual and all was well.  But my point is this, living with Mr Beach House is like living with a bachelor with a wife and kids........

A gorgeous lunch over looking the city
He comes and goes as he pleases and does pretty much exactly what he wants. I on the other hand am left holding the bag way too often.  I am working on changing that and will let you know the outcome, if I can think of anything.  Meanwhile I hope you have  a great week.

Palm Beach from the Bible Garden
Today I am linked here

24 comments :

  1. oh no! that is no way to live. here in the US it's father's day, so the irony of the timing of this post hit me. it sounds like maybe you guys should try counseling.... you are being treated rather unfairly. my husband works full time and i stay home with the kids, but we both get time on the weekends to do what we want to do and spend time as a family.... we make sure that each other's needs are met. of course we argue sometimes- who doesn't? but we both have to come out feeling like we are winning, ya know?

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    1. That's a good way to feel Cassie and I am working on it too.
      Carolyn

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  2. Glad my hubby is pretty good about this, plus it is much easier now that we have big kids to babysit as well!
    Maybe you should just hire a baby sitter instead and make him pay for it!

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  3. Carolyn your honesty is astounding. You are just saying what most of us are feeling and I love that in you. Keeping telling us how you feel because it helps me along with my load in life!!!!!!

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  4. Yours is the third post I've read along theses same lines. Believe me, I hear you loud and clear. Men can be so clueless about how we feel.

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  5. Looks like you need to go away again. It is the only way you will get a break. Tell him you want one Sunday a month as a family and the other 3 he can have...but by the way, I'm going to Melbourne/ NZ/ qld in 6 weeks for the weekend and that isn't one of your family Sunday's buddy!
    I just upped my hubbies life insurance to 1.6 mill, it was a mill. Can't live off a mill these days. That gives me something to look forward too!

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    1. Nicola you make me laugh. How come you never come to Sydney on these trips.
      You know there is always a bead here for you.

      1.6 mill??? what are you planning there. You know it's cheaper to live in the south of France than NZ. I could live on the .6 I think?
      Carolyn

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    2. No, YOU go to melb, NZ, qld . I go away enough!!!

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  6. Stunning photo fo Palm Beach. All hubbies are alike. Mine never touches the wash but if he wants to eat he has to contribute. This was lol for me. And again with Nicola with the 1.6 mil. wow.

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    1. I don't work, and don't plan on working!!!! Need 400k to pay the house off, and 100 k for fun then the rest for me to live off forever. We have 5 kids, I might share with them as they get older...or not.!
      Nic

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  7. Yikes, there's something wrong with this picture! :-)
    Mary Alice

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    1. You are right Mary Alice and it's called the inequality of marriage.

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  8. Hi Carolyn
    I agree with the chateau chic....something is very wrong here. I wonder how long he's been playing the bachelor in your marriage? It sure doesn't seem fair...I hope you can work out things to suit both of you.
    It was nice to have you come by and visit...come back again..
    Judi

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    1. He's not a bad person just a very selfish one.

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  9. Wow! That sound very familiar to me. But at our beach house it's surfing. Whenever I mention the unfairness of being wife, mum, house cleaner and the nanny, I get a look of utter confusion. It's like his looking at a someone speaking a foreign language. I too will continue to work on this and dream of the day I get to leave for a me day not feeling guilty!

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  10. Uh, yeah that sucks huh? Hey we carried those little people for 9 mo. then do the other good stuff. Before my 2nd. hubby and I got married I had a little talk with him. I told him if he was the kind of guy that went out with his buddies and left me at home with kids, better not get married or anything. I told him I would not be a nice wife, I'd be a royal b and we wouldn't last any time. He'd come home and we'd be gone, that was it. We've been married for over 43 years and if anybody went out with friends it was me and he stayed home. He married me with 3 small children and we had one.
    We were married 3 1/2 weeks and he toddled off to Viet Nam for 4 months. That part was ok. We've had our up's and downs but I had to learn not to let him make me feel guilty. Not any solution but I knew before we married I had to be very clear.
    My ex kept going out, leaving me at home with no car, no money out in middle of nowhere and found himself a new girl while I sat at home. He would have a fit if I wanted to learn to drive.
    I'm not recommending a 2nd. hubby but what you girls are having to put up with is baloney. Next time he's in the mood you have a headache right? and every blasted time after that until he realizes what he's doing is bull. Why did he get married then?

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  11. You girls are all fantastic.
    Carolyn

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  12. I just went around the world in march for 3 weeks taking mum home to the uk....via melb and Singapore and Sydney ( great lunch caz in the posh lounge) and did I feel guilty...no bloomin way. Waste of energy.
    Time for you to start reclaiming time for you, time as a couple and time as a family. Tell him he WILL be coming on board. No negotiations!!
    Coming to syd in dec, with the boy... kylie is having a second baby...yay For Lilly. Also told hubby I want to do vivid Sydney next June alone. He said..cool. Love him! So let's do lunch at my fav restaurant at palm beach. See you then :)

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  13. Live Life BeautifullyJune 20, 2012 at 8:17 AM

    Live Life Beautifully - Quote:
    So the title of this post is my new mantra. I love it and I already live by it, but I thought I'd blog it to remind myself how short and precious life is. I stayed at my mum's this long weekend and we entertained."
    How contradictory is this to your most recent post? You go away for a weekend and the next weekend arrange for Mr B to babysit while you go out for lunch! Where are you coming from? Sounds as though counselling certainly may help. Best stay away from the marriage discontent blogs!!

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    1. Yes but I had the kids with me!!!! I always take them everywhere I go, because Mr Beach House is always sailing or whatever. He assumes freedom. I have to plan it weeks in advance and even when he promised to provide me with a break, he still renegs on it. I think that is unfair. I am the responsible one here making sure the kiddos are cared for. He just assumes he can do his stuff, announces it and does it.

      I just wish I had the ability to walk out and follow my dreams as he did knowing the home fires will be kept burning bright. That's all.

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  14. You're not alone. I think as mums, we are programmed to constantly think of others and make sure their needs are met. Men just seem to be programmed differently. It's just not on their radar.

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    1. You hit the nail on the head here. You are so right. Women are programmed to make sure every one and every thing is OK and it is exhausting. Men are programmed to look after number one.
      Carolyn

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  15. At least your kids get to spend lots of time with mommy.

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